I tried it in the back and it was scary

vespa vacanze romaneIn the beginning was the tricycle. It was easy, I felt safe riding in my grandma’s courtyard supported by those tiny extra wheels helping me with my little balance problems.

Then came the time to remove them, and the drama began. I knew I needed to learn how to ride a normal bike, because deep down I knew (and I still know it, I’m a deluded person) that one day this ability will serve me to win The Amazing Race (there’s always at least two or three tasks having to do with riding bikes, usually in overcrowded cities of the world). So I learnt. Don’t know how, but I did, and this made me able to live a pretty normal childhood and to move quickly through my village (which you could probably cross in its entirety in one hour. By foot.).

Unfortunately my complicated relationship with two-wheeled vehicles got worse during my teenage years. The other kids of my age had vespas and scooters. Like, all of them. And if I had been brave enough to take my chances with the bicycle, it definitely wasn’t the case with this new, evil, motorized¬† mean of transportation. I tried it in the back, once, and it was scary.

I’m the kind of person who goes on rollercoasters and checks compulsively if the safety thingies are steady and stable in those three seconds before the departure, so you can probably imagine how shocking it was sitting in the back of a scooter without any kind of control over it or protection (except from the helmet); the only reason why Audrey Hepburn did it in Roman Holiday were her slutty intents, but no, it’s not fun at all. Never again.

After those sedentary years the driving licence came and I came to be independent in my movements. Goodbye vespas: driving a car is what adults do in Italy and I could finally feel part of the community I was living in. But then another change: Berlin. Here having a bike seems to be a must; I felt like I could give a second try to the two-wheels way of moving around but no, too many things to pay attention to: light-headed pedestrians, angry cyclers, cars, signals, traffic lights, keeping in mind where you need to go and how to get there… I grew up in a world without facebook, without internet or even cellphones, which makes me still tragically monotasking.

If I ever decide to take the bike again, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be an e-bike: the video (shot in freaking Berlin!) makes it look extremely cool and easy and the possibility to put a navigator on the top will definitely save my life millions of times (yeah, my orientation skills suck too, but that’s another story).

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Federico is a human love letter to the internet. His favourite activities include: hypochondriasis, a tragic vision of the future and lowering his life expectancy one pastry at a time. You can stalk him on TWITTER / FACEBOOK / INSTAGRAM

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