Please look at the past three months as the summer break of a cheesy teen drama. Only difference: instead of living Summer at its fullest like Dawson and Joey, I was busy building a shelter for the upcoming nuclear war (s/o to ma’ boy Kim Jong-un).
Anyway, I’m here because I have a transatlantic flight in less than two weeks and I want this post to be my ultimate legacy in case I end up on the bottom of the ocean.
Take the Quiz and find out who YOUR TRUE SELF is!
What will your next tattoo be?
Which of these celebrities would you push down the stairs (AS A JOKE)?
Which of these instagram dogs would have more followers?
What's your dietary regimen?
What's your favourite part of the human body?
What's MY favourite song of all time?
What object would you bring with you on a desert island?
What are your favourite Bjork lyrics?
[Quiz] What Lidl Salad Are You?
Basic Bitch Salad
The Basic Bitch Salad is a simple salad tearfully topped by grated carrots, corn and a veil of sadness. If this is your soulmate salad, it means you enjoy the simple things in life like sunsets, dinners with friends, going to your boyfriend's football game every Thursday night for fifteen years in a row, sharing your ice cream with your dog even though that's disgusting, every season of Grey's Anatomy, pretending minorities are not a thing.
Heart of Carbs Salad
The Heart of Carbs Salad questionably sports dry tomatoes (which are gross and objectively resemble squashed rat organs) then shocks you with pasta shamefully hidden on the bottom like smuggled illegal drugs inside the intestines of a drug mule. If this is your soulmate salad, it means people think you're a repulsive human being inside and out. The truth is that you have so much to offer and all you need is to meet the one person who'll be able to look at you in the same way your cats do. In order to showcase the wonderful, lively world that you have inside, try to become rich and buy a Russian wife who just turned 19 then bring her to your high school reunion.
Death Wish Salad
Big frenemy of any healthy lifestyle, the Death Wish Salad is topped with unexciting croutons along with cubes of cheese and ham so artificial that they have their own separate entry on the periodic table. If this is your soulmate salad, it means Someone like you by Adele is your all time most played song on Spotify and you need immediate psychological help. Luckily, after recording your 13 Reasons Why tapes you got great editing skills and are now podcasting weekly about tentacle porn and inspiring young adult new novels.
Cultural Appropriation Salad
The Cultural Appropriation Salad is topped with all things Mexican (beans, corn and chicken) even though nobody at Lidl has ever been to Mexico and they only get to experience the world through the delicacies of international local brands that are all based in Germany. If this is your soulmate salad, you only need a few days in a place to absorb its culture and come back as the greatest living expert about said place. You like trying international cuisine in your hometown and label it as "not the real thing". You once joined the Aboriginal Australians and left when you found out you were supposed to wipe your ass with leaves, but told your friends that the experience was just too spiritually intense.