All posts tagged “dating

Sleepsnacking – An Alarming Trend

The Disorder

The term Sleepsnacking indicates the uncontrollable urge to bolt down junk food while asleep.

Sleepsnackers can be completely unaware of their disease, sometimes for years.

Typical signs that a person might be a sleepsnacker are a subtle taste of chocolate, honey barbecue chips, Ben&Jerry Banana Ice Cream or peanut butter in their mouth upon awakening.

Sometimes even all of the above.

 

The Numbers

According to a Mongolian study, the number of people affected by Sleepsnacking has increased tremendously during the past 10 years and almost doubled itself in only five years.

The trend looks scary and unstoppable.

graph_unreal

Of course if we take out fictional characters like Liz Lemon or Ralph Winchester and anybody who’s not a celebrity (’cause why should we care?) the situation looks under control.

graph_real

Case Study Read More

Confessions

Stephen: Hey, did you have posters on your bedroom walls when you were a teenager?

Me: Well, some. It’s kind of embarrassing, so you’ll have to tell me yours afterwards.

Stephen: Deal.

Me: Ok, I had two big posters of Amelie and Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Stephen: …

Me: Oh, and one of The Matrix.

Stephen: …

Me: Ok, also an Alanis Morissette one, but small. Your turn.

Stephen: I had pictures of space.

……..

have a great weekend y’all

stephen flips the bird

When They Look at Us

Do you ever wonder how people perceive your relationships?

Sometimes I meet couples that look like a match made in heaven and they end up lasting less than a British tv series.

And then there’s times in which I think the members of the couple have too strong personalities/too few in common/too different lifestyles to really have a future together, but inexplicably everything works out fine, happily ever after and all.

So I’ve been wondering for some time what’s the image that Stephen and me project to the outside world when we’re together and I think I finally found the answer.

I was going through the pictures of our recent trip to Barcelona and it struck me: clearly, what people see when they look at us is

a cute hipster and his dumb cousin.

Here’s why:

barcelona arc de triompf

Barcelona – Arc de triompf

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HalLoveween

As you could probably already guess, I belong to that vast group of people who tend to have a bipolar behaviour towards love.

When I’m not in a relationship and I see people on the street holding hands my first desire is to shoot them with a rifle and barf on their descendants (all things that would be totally acceptable in an episode of Game of Thrones or, say, Russia but for some reason not in Berlin) .

Being annoyed by PDA is not the problem, though. The real problem comes when I start being in a relationship myself and experience a change of heart combined with a slight loss of lucidity, which in the past may or may not have me facing legal threats and false accusations of stalking.

As if the second date were really too soon to change your Facebook profile picture to a photo of you and your loved one.

Having sex.

Anyway, when Halloween came, some weeks ago, the most normal thing for me was dressing up as my boyfriend…

halloween costume

…and shoot a video in which I impersonate him. Read More

A DIY Birthday Gift

My boyfriend had a birthday earlier this week.

Since we’ve been together for a while I wanted to give him a special present; something personal and remarkable, a celebration of our love.

Then I did a reality check: at some point he’s gonna break up with me for some stupid reason, like the fact that my flat looks like the scene of a shooting or the unsubstantiated idea that I’m a hoarder (that badge of a russian woman I once found on the street might always come handy, you never know!).

So what was the point in giving him a present which he’ll find himself setting on fire on Valentine’s Day? And even if we end up living happily ever after, the truth is that I’ll always be number two in his heart (well, three if we count Angela Merkel, but that might be just a sexual thing).

I took in this revelation, accepted it and chose to do create a gift that celebrates his relationship with his first true real love forever and ever:

FOOD.

food love Read More

The Most Exciting Afternoon of our Lives

Warning! The following is a humorous text about the day the royal baby made his first public appearance. If you’re looking for REAL news, you might wanna check out the Guardian

 

About one week ago I went visiting my boyfriend at his place and found him staring at his laptop, catatonic, giving no sign of reaction. At first I thought he got Stendhal syndrome from his Titanic Desktop background, again, but then realised something epic and remarkable was about to happen.

royal baby first appeareance cnn

Main Title: Royal couple and prince to appear any minute
William and Kate were about to exit that very door with their newborn baby and CNN was documenting everything. What a special event! Thank God I caught it on time, I know I would have killed myself if I had missed it! Read More

Sleeping Hottie – a modern tale

Once upon a time, in a faraway land Neukoelln, lived a princess with long blonde hair.

sleeping hottie

Ok, you got me guys: this is not a fairytale, but nevertheless I think it’s time to tell you the whole (exponentially exaggerated) truth about the weird sleeping habits of my boyfriend. Read More

But let’s stay friends pt.1 or That time I dumped you

It’s true: all good things must come to an end. The best tv series come to jump the shark, Alanis Morissette records crap like this, BFFs become names you find on your cellphone without recalling who they are and love, above all things, is anything but endless.

What’s actually endless, though, is the debate on whether it’s easier to get dumped or to dump your beloved one. We’ve all played both parts at one time or another (although there’s some seriously dangerous serial dumpers out there!) and it was never easy.

Personally, I find especially difficult to be the one who dumps. The most memorable time, also known as “the time I almost died”, was probably when I dumped R.

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