Sleepsnacking – An Alarming Trend

The Disorder

The term Sleepsnacking indicates the uncontrollable urge to bolt down junk food while asleep.

Sleepsnackers can be completely unaware of their disease, sometimes for years.

Typical signs that a person might be a sleepsnacker are a subtle taste of chocolate, honey barbecue chips, Ben&Jerry Banana Ice Cream or peanut butter in their mouth upon awakening.

Sometimes even all of the above.

 

The Numbers

According to a Mongolian study, the number of people affected by Sleepsnacking has increased tremendously during the past 10 years and almost doubled itself in only five years.

The trend looks scary and unstoppable.

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Of course if we take out fictional characters like Liz Lemon or Ralph Winchester and anybody who’s not a celebrity (’cause why should we care?) the situation looks under control.

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Case Study

The last detected case of Sleepsnacking concerns Federico, an Italian expat currently living in Berlin.

In August the Italian stallion will turn 29 for the second time and describes his health status prior to the shocking diagnosis as pretty fine, except for that time I accidentally inhaled sprinkles.

When asked about his newly discovered disease, he can barely hold back the tears and start telling the story of that life changing day:

After an exhausting day I had decided to call it a night. Lying under the covers of my boyfriend’s bed (while he was out of the house WATCHING FOOTBALL IN SOME SHADY BAR) I was almost ready to fall asleep, when something occurred to me. In the afternoon I had bought a fancy lime-flavoured chocolate bar and had forgotten to eat it.

Black out.

On the morning after, while dragging myself to the toilet, my face felt sticky. Not you-were-invited-to-a-bukake-party-with-the-american-world-cup-football-team sticky. MORE. I looked at myself in the mirror and I basically saw Carrie

carrie

In a lighter version of the story where they don’t bully her but she kind of abuses the chocolate fountain of the prom buffet ’cause she effing loves chocolate.

Consequences

Scientists and diet enthusiasts like Gwyneth Paltrow agree on the fact that eating while sleeping is bad.

Like, very bad.

Even worse than eating before going to bed or eating before swimming.

Sleepsnackers might therefore wake up with additional chins, unrequested boobs or thighs as large as General Sherman.

 

before-after

In addition to physical appearance, scientists stress how Sleepsnacking tends to deeply affect personal relationships and can compromise even the strongest ties.

Sleepsnacker

They also assert that when you realize your boyfriend hasn’t been stabbed to death during the night you should be relieved and not get mad for a couple of chocolate stains.

Cures

Unfortunately there is still no known cure to this annoying disease.

Waking up a busted Sleepsnacker is completely forbidden.

It is possible, though, to hand this person Cheetos in place of Nachos, ’cause they’re practically made of air and contain therefore almost no calories.

About the Author

Posted by

Federico is a human love letter to the internet. His favourite activities include: hypochondriasis, a tragic vision of the future and lowering his life expectancy one pastry at a time. You can stalk him on TWITTER / FACEBOOK / INSTAGRAM


Filed under: Life

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2 Comments

  1. anne

    i could perfectly hear stephen’s voice when reading that e-mail. especially the FEDE part. hahahahhahaha

    • Fede

      I could too, Anne, and that didn’t make me comfortable :-D

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