fortune_cookie

29 Funny Fortune Cookie Messages To Kill Every Hope

Not going to Italy for Christmas, last year, made things incredibly less stressful and unexpectedly more complicated. If you spend the holidays at a place that is not your mamma’s, in fact, you cannot just show up, jump on the food like a hungry ferret and pass out on the couch. Grownup Christmas means behaving, cooking, entertaining like a real housewife of Beverly Hills (only without a professional cook or an addiction to¬† antidepressants).

So I thought: what’s the most entertaining and seemingly culinary thing I can make?

Fortune cookies, of course!

Fortune cookies 2

The fact I am not Chinese and it wasn’t New Year’s Eve seemed completely irrelevant at the time. All I needed was a simple fortune cookie recipe and a devious mind to come up with funny fortune cookie messages that would make 2017 look bleaker than how already did.

For the Lol!

Now, if I’ve already charmed you and you’re considering baking your own fortune cookies, I can recommend Taste of Home’s recipe. It’s extremely simple and – if you don’t suck like me – you may even get it done without second-degree burns all over your body.

As per the messages, you can choose to be boring and use some poorly translated Chinese sayings you’ll easily find on Google, or you can come to the dark side and download this file containing mean, hopeless, funny fortune cookie messages ready to print and be read aloud by both your friends and enemies.

Let’s review them together:

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Click here to Download the Messages

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Filed under: Life

About the Author

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Federico is a human love letter to the internet. His favourite activities include: hypochondriasis, a tragic vision of the future and lowering his life expectancy one pastry at a time. You can stalk him on TWITTER / FACEBOOK / INSTAGRAM